We had big ideas and bigger plans; 
Pinkie promised days to come. Future exploration. 
I learned what hope feels like. 
She learned what acceptance can be. 
Lives lived like one long day at the county fair 
Counting every second 
On an unending uphill ride, 
Hands to the sky. 

Her head’s full of new ideas, though, 
And her hands are getting heavy. 

I’ve been so lonely here, 
A grownup among grownups. No one to play with. 
Nothing left to dream of when I’m already living the dream, 
And she’s heading off in the opposite direction. 
What can I do in the face of change? 
When her world is a fork in a highway 
And I’m a little house on an empty cul-de-sac. 

I built the bridges and stayed in our hometown 
Just to love her through the changes. 
To love her in reality 
While she was loving the potential. 
She loved, because I loved. Not for the sake of being lovable. 

A life almost lived, unweaving with the clock. 
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve 
Hanging in the balance; hanging over my head 
Because I didn’t know 
I was the most worthwhile during the chase. 
A promise not to be fulfilled, but the thrill of pretending. 

I didn’t know I was placing bets on temporary living 
When she handed me a deck of cards. 

Pretty faces, pretty promises, shiny new toys. 
They don’t mean a damn thing, 
But who am I to say such awful things? 
Who am I, if I get mean? 
Small house, left unchecked. Small house, 
In a small town, 
Made for small-minded people, I suppose. 
That’s what she tells me anyway. 

I was a kindred spirit setting her world aflame, 
Back when her world was looking dim. 
Back in time, when a match was much harder to find. 
Why do I play the old damp campfire, while she still burns? 
Snuffed out spark to a forest fire, raging 
And distant 
And ever-hungry. 

She can wander and stray, but she won’t forget my name. 
Only who I tried to be, 
And what I looked like from the outside. 
False perception, 
The convenience during hardship, 
Confidence-builder. 

She’s leaving soon, but she’s been going all year. 

Knowledge of inevitability doesn’t make what’s coming any easier. 
Her picture fading into the horizon doesn’t hurt any less. 
Mind drifting; my presence loses significance. 
Do I keep playing, now that I know it’s a game? 
Future becomes fantasy before my eyes - 
A story made up as we go - 
To placate the impossibilities between us. 
Masquerading grand notions I’ve learned were just that: 
Too grand, too big to wrestle with now. 

I’ve been so lonely here, darlin’. 
I’ve been so lonely missing you 
Before you’re even gone.